No More Eating My Feelings!

My journey to living a healthy lifestyle didn’t come full circle on day one. One of my biggest struggles was with nutrition. I went to both extremes. I went from being obsessed with being skinny to binge eating. I worked out 2 hrs. a day at the gym (1 hour of cardio & 1 hour of weights), and barely ate anything (no fats, no carbs). I was so skinny that I lost my menstrual cycle and physically was unhealthy. When I introduced fats back into my diet I went the other extreme and began to binge eat. I got burnt out from doing the same old at the gym and stopped working out. I would look for food for everything. If I felt happy, sad, excited, food was my “solution.” I would eat so much that I had to make myself throw up to feel better. I went from a size 0 to a size 12! I became clinically depressed because of life situations and my eating habits didn’t help, again I was physically unhealthy! I tried everything, all types of diets, logging food, weighing food, weighing myself consistently, downloaded apps, supplements to help loss weight, read diet books, ate vegan, vegetarian, cleanses, I saw nutritionists, coaches, took workshops, you name it, I tried it! But nothing fit my lifestyle. I couldn’t enjoy my time spent with family or friends because I was obsessed with food that I would linger around food and stuff my face. I couldn’t’ eat just one cookie, I had to have the whole sleeve of cookies, I had no self-control. I hated getting ready, because I knew nothing fit, everything was tight because I refused to buy bigger clothes. I hated going out and seeing people I haven’t seen in a while because I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. I was always at war with food, myself and my husband. I remember the last straw, my husband and I got into an argument and I will never forget his words. He said “You treat your friends and family like gold, but me, you treat me like crap! You need to figure it out. You want to have children? No way can I trust that you are mentally ready to have kids. Either you change or I’m out!” This was my wake-up call, I didn’t want to lose him, I didn’t want to keep living this way. I started to explore and invest in myself. I had to find something that worked, something that kept me motivated. Through my journey I learned needed to view food differently. Food isn’t my friend nor my enemy, it is fuel for my body. I remind myself that whatever meal or food I am eating it isn’t the last time I am ever going to eat it, I can have it again. Food is and will always be everywhere, this helped me find balance with eating. I also realized there is no cookie cutter, one size fits all program. Therefore, I created a step by step system so I can enjoy my food! Now that I have these systems in place, I love working out, and choose foods that are nutritious and clean which gives me the energy I need. Do I eat this way 100% of the time? No. My husband and I are foodies and love to try new places and food. I eat clean, nutritious foods the majority of the time that if I have a not so clean meal on occasion I don’t let that ruin the rest of my day. Now I feel free, I made peace food, myself, my husband and we have an amazing daughter and it has been life changing, I got my glow back!

Can you relate? What challenges have you or are you facing with food?  

Courtney Miller